Today's post is not only a book review, it's also the start to a new series on friendship! I'll be bringing in some of my friends for commentary, so be looking forward to that. But today, I want to share with y'all one of the best "self-help" type (nonfiction, maybe?) books I've ever read. I'm usually not one for the serious, thoughtful type of books, especially in summer, but I was determined to make a dent in my reading list. Never Unfriended by Lisa-Jo Baker is the best book on friendship I've come across thus far.
(First, though, I need to insert an honest moment--I dropped this book in the bathtub. And it was a library book. So I had to pay a huge fine to replace it. Just trying to share my real adult life with y'all.) The book starts out by addressing our fears in friendship, such as FOMO or rejection. Then, it has a short section on issues in friendship we can't control, such as other people's "stories" or relying on friendships to fill us. And then, the most important section, different actions we can take in friendship, such as initiating, listening, and going through the highs and the lows of life together. Baker gives the hard truth that "If it is real, friendship is usually untidy." I've experienced my fair share of messiness in friendships, but this author gives encouragement that perfection is not attainable in friendships (or any aspect of life).
She hit me hard when she talked about FOMO, saying, "We have worshipped at the altar of inclusion when we were built to worship at the altar of the only living God."
Other pieces of advice I took to heart include:
-The cardinal rule of friendship: you have to be willing to go first.
-People come in all shapes and sizes and stories and it's not our job to fix them, use them, or get them to act just like us. It's our job to love them.
-Maybe the most intimate, radical thing we can do for our friends is to show up...giving our friends the same gift Jesus did--the gift of our presence.
I've read a few books over the past several months about friendship, but this was my favorite. It was so honest and real, and didn't skip over the hard parts of being in community with others. She included several personal anecdotes about the good, the bad, and the ugly of sharing life with others. I highly recommend!
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