The Pages Project-Never Unfriended

Today's post is not only a book review, it's also the start to a new series on friendship! I'll be bringing in some of my friends for commentary, so be looking forward to that. But today, I want to share with y'all one of the best "self-help" type (nonfiction, maybe?) books I've ever read. I'm usually not one for the serious, thoughtful type of books, especially in summer, but I was determined to make a dent in my reading list. Never Unfriended by Lisa-Jo Baker is the best book on friendship I've come across thus far. 

(First, though, I need to insert an honest moment--I dropped this book in the bathtub. And it was a library book. So I had to pay a huge fine to replace it. Just trying to share my real adult life with   y'all.) The book starts out by addressing our fears in friendship, such as FOMO or rejection. Then, it has a short section on issues in friendship we can't control, such as other people's "stories" or relying on friendships to fill us. And then, the most important section, different actions we can take in friendship, such as initiating, listening, and going through the highs and the lows of life together. Baker gives the hard truth that "If it is real, friendship is usually untidy." I've experienced my fair share of messiness in friendships, but this author gives encouragement that perfection is not attainable in friendships (or any aspect of life). 

She hit me hard when she talked about FOMO, saying, "We have worshipped at the altar of inclusion when we were built to worship at the altar of the only living God." 

Other pieces of advice I took to heart include:

-The cardinal rule of friendship: you have to be willing to go first.

-People come in all shapes and sizes and stories and it's not our job to fix them, use them, or get them to act just like us. It's our job to love them.

-Maybe the most intimate, radical thing we can do for our friends is to show up...giving our friends the same gift Jesus did--the gift of our presence. 

I've read a few books over the past several months about friendship, but this was my favorite. It was so honest and real, and didn't skip over the hard parts of being in community with others. She included several personal anecdotes about the good, the bad, and the ugly of sharing life with others. I highly recommend! 

San Diego

Today's post is a fun one-a recap of my recent trip to California with my mom! Our first part of the trip was in San Diego because my mom had a work meeting. We've had this trip planned since January, and it truly was a motivational goal to work toward during my hours of studying periodic table trends. Truth be told, I was looking forward to LA (the second part of this post) more than San Diego, but I ended up LOVING San Diego. We stayed on Coronado, which is an island just across the bay about 30 minutes from the airport. The weather was perfect (75 degrees!), and the overall atmosphere was so relaxing.

Lessons I Learned from Working in a Restaurant

Today, I have a very different type of post! I’ve been working as a hostess the past two and a half months, and it has been quite the learning experience. I’ve never worked in a restaurant type setting before, although I’ve always had a love of cooking, so this job was the perfect introduction. I’ve compiled a list of tips that I think are important for all restaurant-goers.

               1. Be a good tipper.

This is by far the most important lesson I learned from this job. Everyone always say “Make sure you tip well!”, but often, people don’t. They’ll just put the standard $4 down for every check or leave in a rush and even forget to tip. How much you leave as a tip tells that server how great of a job he/she did. Without a tip, servers make very minimum wage; their jobs are hard. But, if you feel like the server wasn't very attentive or rude, make that known with your tip. They are working to give all customers the best possible dining experience. In my opinion, standard tip wage should be 20% of your bill. My dad says to tip based off the total before tax—I’m kind of hit or miss on that. Also, if you have any kind of coupon that you used, you should be sure to include the cost of that item in your total. Also, keep in mind that other people, such as the bussers, are working just as hard and are also relying on your tips.

2. Please be gracious to all restaurant staff.

 I completely understand that everyone has bad days, and I get irritated when my food comes out wrong as well, but please, please, please try to be gracious to a restaurant’s staff. Working as a hostess, I have to balance the requests of the guests, the servers, and the managers, and sometimes it is quite the balancing act. I’ve had people come up to me yelling because there aren’t any tables available. And not to be rude, but there is not a single thing I can do about that. I’ve also been to restaurants where they said there aren’t any tables available even though I see one open—often this is because the restaurant does not have the staff available to offer you prime service. If your food does come out wrong, just pleasantly tell your server, and a new dish should be preprared no problem.

3. A ton goes on behind the scenes.

This lesson comes based off the restaurant I work at—it’s a local, fine-dining European place. But there is so much work that goes into keeping it afloat. Our head manager has to come in at 4 a.m. some mornings just to do inventory. There are 5-6 head chefs alone that are in charge of purchasing their needed groceries, in addition to all of the prep cooks. Plus, there are bussers, bartenders, patio staff, etc. One time, I took a to-go order on the phone for a grilled salmon entrée, but we had just run out of salmon, so our head chef had to run to a local market to grab more!

4. The customer is always right. 

 I’m not sure how it is at all restaurants, but at least where I work, we have a 100% Customer Satisfaction policy. We will try everything we can to seat you where you prefer, make any dish to your needs, etc. That is not to say that as a consumer you should make unnecessary requests, but know that the staff is there to make your experience enjoyable. And, if you feel like there is an extreme issue, never be afraid to ask to speak to the manager. 

The Letter Writing Kit

Most of my friends are far, far away this summer at a place called camp!! In this isolated place, there is no such thing as cell phone service, so we must rely on old-fashioned snail mail to communicate. (Dramatic much??) Hand-written letters are one of my favorite things in the world. It makes me so, so happy that the lost art of letter writing becomes so popular in the summer. 
Since I've been doing so much writing, I figured I should stock up on some stationery, and I even made a small collection out of it. This little kit can be downsized or expanded, and it would be perfect to give to a friend going to camp for the summer or a semester abroad. 

What I would include: 

-A few specialty/more expensive cards

-A set of thank you notes

-A set of simple birthday cards

-A set of blank cards

-Pens

-Stamps

If you're feeling really generous, you could add an address book, some address labels, and some hand-painted cards.

 I keep all of my stationery items in a cute basket like this one from Target.

I've also written a post about why I enjoy hand-written letters and some different occasions to send one. You can read that here. 

I hope you all enjoyed this short post. I'm currently writing from the airport about to leave on a fun trip with my mom! Follow along on Instagram (@abstergailll) to see where we're going. Can't wait to share some fun content from this next week.

The 5 Phases of Moving to College

(I actually wrote this post the week before I moved to college almost a year ago! I've inserted a different color font with my present thoughts.)

With only 5 (WHAT?!) days until I move to college and have to start #adulting, I've had a ton of thoughts about this crazy transition phase that is the summer before college. I used #adulting and #college wayyyy too much haha.  I would love to hear feedback/thoughts/advice about moving to college. Also, I plan on writing a "letter to my freshman year self" type post. 

1. The "I'm not a high-schooler anymore" phase.

This phase was rather short, but really the whole week before graduation (my class went on our senior trip), I kept thinking "I'm actually going to be a college student. That trip still holds some of my favorite memories. Also, I really hope I didn't appear as one of those "baby" freshmen...WHAAAAAT?! I think I'm actually still in this phase. Just the thought that I'll never have to wear a school uniform or use a locker kind of blows my mind.

2. The overwhelmed phase.

Between 87727347 graduation luncheons, writing more thank you notes than I've written in my life, getting everything ready for recruitment, and starting a new job, the beginning of the summer was definitely stressful. Still makes me stressed out just thinking about it. All of the prep was definitely worth it, but this year I'm taking a more *chill* approach. Don't get me wrong, this time was so fun and celebratory, but it did come with a whole bunch of to-do lists.

3. The nervous phase.

Y'all, I'm not kidding when I say the entire month of July was a total freak out. In the past I've really struggled with anxiety, and senior year it went away, but then it came back. I think a lot of it was that I was away from home for two weeks and just had a whole bunch of things to do, but I was definitely worried. That anxiety didn't go away for the first 2 months!! But it's totally normal. Second semester I felt very "seasoned" and accustomed to it all. Anything from the color of my headboard to making bedskirts to making sure my grocery list was made (because that's totally normal) was in my head. S/O to great roommates/friends who put things in perspective.

4. The excited phase.

This phase has been going on for the past week or so. I am just really excited for everything college is going to bring. And I'm even more excited for this next year! I've been spending a lot of time with my parents lately; in a recent conversation with my dad, he wasn't sad as much as he was excited because he saw college as the beginning of a ton of new memories and opportunities. And even though it'll be small, I am super pumped to decorate a new space!! 

5. The sad phase.

This phase didn't really come until I hit the "one week til move-in" countdown. That one sentence was all I originally wrote one year ago. Two days before I moved to college, we had a big family dinner with all of my grandparents and my aunt. It was a time of reminiscing and also a time of prayer for the next adventure I was about to embark on. All I remember about that time was that I was sobbing. Uncontrollably. And I don't like people to see me cry. But, the reality that I was moving away from home for an extended amount of time hit me hard. All that to say, it really is ok to be sad for a time. 

I hope y'all enjoyed this more personal post! I took the week off last week for a vacation with family, and the past few days I've been working hard on brainstorming content and planning a redesign. Thank you, thank you, thank you faithful readers! Every text I get saying "I read your blog today!" makes it all worth it. 

XO